March-May 2024

May 20, '24 || Sunny with a light breeze

As stated in an earlier entry, I've been attending counselling for the last little while. It's a service provided by the university for international students, so we (thankfully) don't have to pay a fee. As a result, I've been going weekly (with a few exceptions) and trying my level best to do the homework I get. Well, level best is probably an exaggeration. I keep what I've been told in mind and try to apply it when it crops up, but haven't had much of a chance to actively work on anything. Why? Because, for the most part, I've been fine— would you put a bandage on your arm without any need for it? Exactly. What can I do when there's nothing to be resolved? But as it stands, I am currently not fine, but I don't know what to apply. I don't even want a coping mechanism at this point, I just want something tangible to knock these thoughts out of my head and make me normal and healed.

The reason for my sudden depression? I'm not repressing something that impacted me deeply anymore. What a shocker! Thinking about bad things makes me feel bad! Next you're gonna tell me that leaves are green because of chlorophyll, or that ice is just frozen water! Biting sarcasm aside, to sum it up: I've been clinging to harmful relationships and (in my opinion, rather significant) mistakes I did as a teenager since they happened, and it's had me trapped in an incredibly poor mindset and behavioural patterns for a good half a decade now. I've tried fighting against it for a while now, on and off, but nothing has ever come of it. I find myself constantly slipping back, feeling as though the treatment I recieved at the time and currently inflict on myself in turn is something I deserve because of my behaviour as a teenager. It's really not, though, and that's something I struggle to keep in mind— I'm trapped in a vicious cycle of these beliefs where I return to being so hard on myself, and frankly, I'm deeply frustrated that I never make any progress and just keep cycling like this. In reality, the person who told me these things I took to heart had bias against me— and it's not fair to myself to take her words as gospel when it was out of a desire to see me struggle, is it? I didn't deserve to be stalked and made to feel unsafe when trying to talk about how someone else's behaviour hurt me. And yet, I still carry that feeling that I need to take everything on the chin and even flaggelate myself in order to be accountable for my actions like it's permanently stuck to me.

The truth is, I want to heal. I want to be able to experience happiness the way my peers do, to be able to feel like I am the good person I try my hardest to be. I want to be able to see the good in myself and what I do. I want to be able to meet my friends' declarations of how happy they are to be alive with the same glee. But I don't know if I have it in me. I'm happy to support others, but I don't know how to be supported— let alone ask for their help. I feel bad doing so, like I'm going to slip and fall into the habits I had as a teenager. Like I'm going to hurt another well-meaning person who wants to see me happy. I want to believe I've grown from what happened, but how can I be sure? Would it be out of pocket to declare myself "better" when I inflicted so much hurt? I've never thought that it's a fair call for me to make if I have changed or not, because what if I'm being biased towards myself. What if I'm doing it subconsciously to seek out another person to hurt?

I don't know, it's complicated. I've been told a lot of things that don't line up with my perception of myself these past few months, and I never know what to do or how to accept them as much as I want to. When my Japanese gets complimented, I downplay my capabilities and declare I'm nowhere near where I want to be skill-wise. I get called kind or good, and brush it off because I believe my past behaviour says much more about me than what I choose to do in the present. It feels like I run around in circles with these thoughts, refusing to let myself be happy or praised by my peers. I always find myself deflecting, complimenting my peers in return so I don't have to get too flustered by their kindness and express gratitude for something I can't see in myself. It almost feels ingenuine when I return the compliments, but I can't say that I'm lying— many of the people I spend time with and talk to are genuinely such funny, amazing and wonderful people. Not being able to admire them would be such an incredible disservice, in my opinion. I suppose this is how people feel about me, but I feel arrogant and pretentious saying that. I feel that way saying anything good about myself, because seeing the good in myself goes against everything I internalised over the past five years.

My counsellor said I sell myself short. Many of my peers have expressed that they like my taste in clothes. That they think I'm a genuinely kind and good person. After recieving some bad news about a family member yesterday, I was held by a friend and told that a genuinely kind girl like me didn't deserve to go through so much difficulty. Yet on the inside, I feel like I'm almost too arrogant about my skills. That I'm dressing up like a wolf in sheep's clothing. It's not true, but its something I worry about frequently. I always feel like just trying to be better, trying to be a good person doesn't matter nearly as much as the actual outcome, so I can never feel content with what I achieve or the kindness I give to others because I always feel as though I could've done more. I told a friend that I wanted to be remembered as someone kind, reliable and funny, only to be told that he sees me this way and wishes I could see that in myself, too. I want to see that. I don't want to let him (or anyone else, for that matter) down by being unable to feel proud of myself for what I can do and see myself as the kind person I work so hard to try and be.

Anyway, that's about it for now. I just hope I can get out of this rut, y'know? I don't like feeling so depressed, not when the weather is so beautiful and I spend such valuable time with others.

May 15, '24 || Starting to warm up more!

I celebrated my 22nd birthday at the start of the month, and went out for dinner with some friends of friends. Not my ideal (and I also said nothing about it being my birthday, because I didn't want to make it all about me...), but it was still a great time and I got to meet such nice people! I also recieved some gifts from friends— Hedgehog got me a pen that he thought of me when he saw and three volumes of Akane-banashi, and one of my Brit friends got me some sweets and an even sweeter card that I'll definitely cherish for the rest of my life! Otherwise, I've found that I'm a tad jealous of others recently, since they find it so easy to connect with others while I struggle to do much beyond casual conversation due to all the time I've spent shutting myself off... granted, I have people I'm close with myself, but it would also be nice to connect with others and make more friends, too!

Since my last entry, I had a trip to Kyoto with my university this past weekend! I'm actually working on a trip diary at the moment, so I'll spare a lot of details. We spent the day around Tetsugaku no Michi and I got to try Okonomiyaki for the first time with some new friends! I also found out I have a huge amount of things in common with someone I've known since last semester, so we've started chatting a bit more since the trip! I'm really happy about it! I also spent Sunday in Nara and Monday in Kobe with Hedgehog. Overall, a very good time. Kobe is pretty special to me, particularly Kitano Tenman Jinja, so I was happy I was able to share it with him and have him understand me a little more through a place I adore. He'd even told me that I seemed more carefree while I was there and that I was smiling a lot when he'd said he would buy a goshuincho at Todai-ji, which was interesting to say the least. I also went to Aichi Bokujo on the 9th to see the Nemophila! I have to update my gallery at some point, I took so many pics... I now have a total of eight omamori, too, since I got one at Kasuga Taisha in Nara and Hedgehog gifted me one from Kitano Tenman Jinja. And before anyone asks... yes, I did cry the second time I visited. I made the resolution to focus more on what makes me happy above all else, and seeing out to the harbor again just made me feel a very particular way... I wouldn't know how to describe it.

I'm almost not sure what else to write... I feel like I've got a lot going on with classes right now, and it's so annoying... at the very least, I'm thinking about making a trip to Mie (and maybe go back to Kobe again... I found out Sannomiya Uniqlo has Kobe-specific embroidery designs for bags and I want one...) with Hedgehog to see Futamiokitama Jinja, and prepping for the Fuji trip at the end of the month! I hope I can survive all the work I have to do. At the very least, I've been enjoying the material in my Japanese culture classes. Anyway, goodnight! Hoping this week is as kind to you all as it can be.

April 30, '24 || Overcast with a chance of rain

My second Tokyo trip this month went very well! I spent the whole day on Friday there, then all of Saturday in Yokohama with my friend visiting shrines before Station Idol Latch!'s second live. On Sunday, I went to Shizuoka to meet up with my cousin who was travelling! I was a tad too broke for the Shinkansen, so I took the Tokaido local line via Yokohama instead— it was a fraction of the price (2640 yen! That's crazy cheap!), and I got a killer view of Mt. Fuji while on the JR Central stretch of the line through eastern Shizuoka! So worth it!! I visited a few small local shrines with my cousin, too— I never realised that she collects goshuin too, so it's something we got to bond over while walking our legs off. We also yapped about our mutual love for Kobe, since she spent time teaching in a town north of it several years ago! It was so nice! During my entire trip, I managed to get ten new goshuin total, and recieved three new omamori— from Tokyo (Nezu Shrine), Yokohama (Kikuna Shrine), and Shizuoka (Ogushi Shrine). A very successful mish, if I do say so myself! I do want to hit up Kunozan Toshogu Shrine in Shizuoka at some point too, so maybe I'll do that in the future.

There's a lot I could say about my trip, but my head still feels like a mess because my feet are sore and the travel fatigue is hitting like a ton of bricks. I did a minimum of 17k steps every day for four days in a row because I'd taken my Kiwi friend (henceforth referred to as Hedgehog, since that's become my nickname for him) around our local area to see the castle and a couple shrines the day before I'd gone. I got new shoes in Yokohama since my old ones were falling apart too, and now I have wicked blisters from 'em. They're comfortable, though! I love Uniqlo, seriously, I wish it was a thing back home. I exchanged omiyage with friends, talked to locals during Nezu Shrine's azalea festival, and had lunch shouted for me in Yokohama because my friend wanted to treat me since he wasn't going to be able to see me on my actual birthday. It was so much fun, basically. I don't know how to organise all my thoughts, but I feel fuzzy on the inside after all that!

Tomorrow is my birthday, so that trip was like an early treat for myself... as were the several volumes of manga and Marcille figure I picked up at Bookoff this week. I managed to find a few volumes KimiSomu, as well as the HanaDoll manga adaptation for a really good price, so I'm pretty happy. Hedgehog had enabled me to visit our local Bookoff after the mish I made into Sakae earlier that day while we were having a drink from Gong Cha, which was dangerous for my wallet. And his too, to be fair... he managed to find his favourite manga there and showed me some of his favourite panels, which made me happy. On the way back from Bookoff that night, soaked from the rain because neither of us nor the people we'd caught up with were using our umbrellas, he'd asked me what I wanted for my birthday. I didn't know how to respond at all! I'm very much the type to buy things I want for myself, and I never expected him to remember my birthday because it's never something I've put a lot of stock into myself (plus, we just met last month! I didn't think he knew!). I had said he didn't need to get me anything, but he did anyway, and insisted on joining me for a dinner outing to our local Ramen shop tomorrow. I don't know what he got me just yet, but knowing he saw something and thought of me warms my heart. I do that kind of thing for others, so having someone do that for me makes me feel... really happy, to put it simply. He's really sweet, I'm glad we're from the same region so we can still hang out when we're home.

I also get to go to Kyoto with my university in a couple weeks, which is very exciting! I might diverge from the trip at the end of it all (with permission, of course) to do a cheeky overnight stay somewhere in Kansai to visit Mie... but I also might not, since Hedgehog and I were spitballing the idea of a two-person Kansai trip because he wants to go back to Nara. It's kind of up in the air right now. But either way, I get to do more travelling! I'm looking forward to it!

I finished a couple pages recently, and am thinking of posting them when I have more free time. Otherwise, that's about it for now! I hope the rest of this week goes smoothly for you all!

April 16, '24 || Warm and humid with periodic rainfall

Focusing on the good for a second, going to Tokyo for VazzStage was pretty good the other week! I wish I'd written about it sooner— I'm pretty tempted to make a page dedicated to live events I attend, since I've got more coming up. I arrived in Tokyo at Osaki station pretty early, and got to visit the Meguro promenade while there weren't too many people around. Plus, I finally got to visit the Arakawa area! I think it's become one of my favourite places I've visited, especially since I hit it during peak bloom for the cherry blossoms— I got a really lovely shot of the road leading down to Nippori station which I have to upload to my gallery at some point. I visited the Suwa Shrine between Nippori and Nishi-Nippori too, but didn't get a Goshuin since the shrine office was closed... hopefully it's open when I'm back next week, then! VazzStage itself was pretty good too, but I was so exhausted from all my walking that I was moreso focused on not falling over. But it was still so good that my head is kind of spinning just thinking about it now! I even managed to find a little Tonkatsu place not too far from the venue, and literally inhaled a bowl afterwards before walking around Shinjuku until my departure time. It was great!!!

My trip unfortunately coincided with my friend's birthday, so all my friends went out for nomihoudai while I was walking around Tokyo on my own during and after the performance. As much as I had a good time, I won't lie and say I wasn't lonely... which is kind of weird, because two of my friends were messaging me almost the entire time I was out. I recieved quite a few kind messages from friends while I was out, ones I struggled to accept because I didn't feel like it was right of me to do so. I still do appreciate what was said— I mean, it was just things I'd done being acknowledged, really. I'll spare the details, but the things that were said were so kind that I'd cried on the bus home. It feels nice that my efforts are being seen, even if I try and treat it as no big deal... because really, I put in a lot of effort into this kind of thing. Acknowledgement and returning the favour always seems to catch me off-guard, so I'd like to work more on accepting the kindness I try to put out into the world.

Also, I paid for my first university excursion this week! I didn't do any last semester, so I decided to make the effort to do at least a couple... even if the options aren't as good this time around. I managed to get in for the trip to Mt. Fuji at the end of May, though! It's an overnight trip to Yamanashi and Shizuoka, so I'm really looking forward to going since that's two more places to tick off on my list. Plus a few of my friends are going! I'm hoping we get a nice clear day, but regardless, I'm looking forward to going to Kawaguchiko. At the very least, it means getting more Goshuin and ticking off something on my bucketlist!

Other than that... I made a couple batches of ANZAC biscuits this week. No photos, unfortunately, because they vanished super quickly— a testament to how great they turned out. They weren't quite the same as home because Golden Syrup isn't a thing you can get here, but I ended up using Maple Syrup instead and they still tasted pretty good! I'm glad I was able to share aspects of home with my peers, and even bond over more Kiwi foods (and lament about the fact that making a Pavlova just isn't possible here...) with my new friend. I'm thinking of making Afghan biscuits sometime soon, maybe, but I need to find chocolate icing sugar first. I also got to try Canadian Poor-Man's Pudding thanks to one of the new people who'd moved in. It was sooooo good! I love that being in a communial space like this means that we can all share our baked goods with each other. I hope I can do more of it over the coming months.

Lastly, classes started this week. I'm super busy already! I've found I've had less mental capacity for coding as of late, so a few of my WIPs have gone untouched... partially in favour of yapping with people and finishing assignments. Hopefully a little bit of a breather can inspire me to come up with cool new ideas! That's about it for now, then. I hope you're all doing well!

April 4, '24 || Bright, sunny and very warm!

This past week and a bit has been busy, filled to the brim with prep for my daytrip for butai. The cherry blossoms outside our dormitory have been blooming, and I am once again thankful for the room-assigning gods for the beautiful view of them I get from my balcony. They're only on my side of the building, after all!

Speaking of my dorm, life has returned at long last! We had the new students for the Spring Semester move in a little under a week ago, and they're all in the midst of their orientation at the moment. Everyone seems lovely so far, and I've been doing my level best to be a good senior to all of them. There's been a couple bumps here and there with regard to new arrivals adjusting to the trash sorting, but other than that, it's been a lot smoother than last semester!

And now for my favourite and arguably the most important news I have to share— another Kiwi moved in! I was actually told about him a few months ago by the caretaker, and vaguely knew of him from what our coordinator had shared between those of us who were spending the Spring Semester here, funnily enough. I was a little worried about it at first, but all that worry has long since disappated— we get along like we've known each other for years. Honestly, it feels a bit like a chance meeting of sorts— especially since we found out pretty quickly the both of us grew up in neighboring rural towns and that I used to be coworkers with one of his close friends! This is going to sound kind of lame, and it's something I've not told him yet, but I well and truly didn't realise just how lonely I felt without someone from the same place as me around. Sure, there was another Kiwi here last semester, but she's basically Australian due to living there, and we didn't have nearly as much in common as I do with the guy in my dorm. Being surrounded by people from all manner of places is nice, but nothing beats being able to talk about home with such ease— and I think it was hard to realise just how lonely I was in that regard until he showed up. We've found that it's so easy to talk with each other that on multiple occasions, we've gone upwards of five hours of us just talking. It's really nice, especially since we'll be able to hang out in-person pretty regularly even when this semester is done and dusted.

Other than that? Well, I'm helping out with an orientation session today! Plus I'm doing some last-minute event prep! I haven't finished my uchiwa or rosette for Yuma yet, but I did make one for my other oshi, Shou!

I think it turned out pretty good! Hopefully I can post some more pics of these in the future. Otherwise, I think that's about it for now!

March 21, '24 || Sunny, but cold enough to snow

Yesterday was the equinox, and I was very surprised to find out it is considered a legitimate public holiday here! It feels like Japan has so many of these days, but it's a welcome change from how few there are back home. There were also a lot of girls in fancy kimono walking around near the campus, so I suppose it's graduation season at last! It's actually been making me think about my own graduation— I'm in the final stretch of my own degree, and if I pass my Japanese literature course (likely), I will be considered done with my study in June, and set to graduate in November! I'm pretty confident I'll pass, since my teacher is the same one I talked to about Japanese literature in my oral exam a couple years ago, as well as the fact that the work is something I could do with my eyes closed. Though, this has presented the issue that I'm not nearly being challenged enough and have procrastinated hardcore on this assignment. It's due tomorrow, and I've only done about a third of it. Oops!

In better news, my anxiety seems to be almost entirely gone! Which is great! As much as I joked about it, I think having plans and getting to do things outdoors for the first time in months was good for my mental. I'm also getting super hyped for my day-trip to Tokyo for Vazzsta. Did I ever mention on here that I landed my ticket for that? I'm going on a double-performance day for the dance live, which I'm so excited for! I still need to make an uchiwa, and get a can badge for making a rosette with, if I have time... I've also been planning out a general guideline for the day, since I want to do some shrine visits in the Meguro area while checking out the cherry blossom promenade! I'm hoping to have my photo diary page up and running by then, so any pics I take will surely make an appearance there It's almost done, I just need to make a few last minute fixes... maybe after I've finished my assignment.

I got a letter today, also! I've been helping some friends of mine in the US get special preorder bonus disks from the recent Tsukiuta. series releases, so I got a letter & the slips from my friend Sydney! The stamps she used on her letter were so cute that I popped them in the diary my British friend gave me. Here's a pic (click to enlarge)!

I've really been enjoying using a diary again, especially since I ran out of pages in my old Notebook Therapy journal recently from all the Japanese notes I'd put in there. The Hobonichi Techo is so neat, I'm hoping to get to use them for the forseeable future! I actually bought a little cover for it too, which I'm hoping to decorate with my B-Side Label limited stickers when it arrives. I've also gone and bought some new pens, some glue tape and new Moomins-themed washi tape from my local stationery store, too. It feels nice to be able to decorate things again!

Speaking of letters, I'm starting to do some penpal stuff with some friends of mine! I'm hoping it's a hobby I can keep up, particularly so I can keep in touch with friends of mine I've made on exchange, as well as other good friends of mine who live rather far away! This idea was actually sparked up by the aforementioned British friend, she always has such good ideas that I can't help but follow her lead at times and try out stuff I wouldn't have otherwise considered! I really admire that about her— that and the fact she's willing to put up with my silly questions about cooking.

I think that's about it for now! I'm hoping to make another update again next week? Maybe? And get to show off other things I've been doing. But yeah, I don't think I have much more to share at this point. Until next time!

March 14, '24 || Sunny, with very few clouds

I'm back from Kansai! I got to the dormitory kinda late last night— not past curfew, but late enough that barely anyone was around and my friend who'd just returned from Finland had already gone to bed. Boo.

This entry is going to be kind of long with some corny emotional stuff (and photos!), so buckle up.

Firstly, I almost missed my night bus for the second time at Nagoya station. In my defense, I could hardly hear the announcements given that the crowd was so noisy, so I didn't know when and where I needed to go. I did end up making it, though, and barely slept on the ride there due to leg cramps. At least all of this seems to have fixed my sleep schedule! I found myself looking a lot more on the bright side while I was out, which already feels like a good sign. I was the only person on my bus who was stopping at Kobe Sannomiya, which was about a half-hour drive away from the previous stop at Universal Studios Japan. It was so empty that the bus driver even had to double check that this wasn't my stop, which was very reassuring to that weird trip-related anxiety I get about going to new places!

I disembarked sometime around seven, and got to walking around the area. Other than an ATM, the first place I'd decided to check out was Kitano-cho, heading all the way up to the Ijinkan-gai area as soon as I could. Even though nothing was open yet because it was so early, it was so nice to walk around and see the old western-style buildings which overlooked the city! There were many old fashioned British pub buildings around, and I even stopped to sit down for a while in the little courtyard near the Rhine and Weathercock houses before I headed up to Kitano Tenman Jinja, the first shrine I visited on my trip. Since I was there early, the office wasn't open yet— so I spent some time looking around and paying respects as I usually would before purchasing a Goshuin. I think one of the most notable things about this shrine is that from where it was, I could see all the way to the ocean. It was truly a beautiful sight, and as I reflected on many of the feelings I've been experiencing lately and doing a little bit of introspection, I found myself tearing up and my nose running from something other than cold wind for the first time in a while. Being there, seeing the ocean and city below from so high up, truly made me realise how glad I am to be alive and have been given such a unique and beautiful chance to learn more about the world I live in. I also realised that I've been so tense both physically and mentally for such a long time that even just trying not to be would open the floodgates all over again. Needless to say, the granola and the matcha latte I'd had after that was much needed. To briefly sum the rest of Monday up, I spent a while around at Ikuta shrine & its surrounding forest, collected another Goshuin there, and headed down to the harbour and taking in the views down there for a while before getting a box of biscuits from Kitano-cho for my friends at the dorm and jumping on a local train to Osaka. Just sitting by the ocean made me understand why people were sent to the seaside for the sake of recovery. It was so healing! I aleady want to go back.

With Tuesday came a lot of rain! I managed to stay pretty dry that day as I headed out to Kyoto, and even managed to pick up a rainy-day limited sticker (as well as the Kyoto regional limited sticker I'd wanted) from B-Side Label in the afternoon! I talked a lot with one of the clerks, who was very kind and wished me luck with my semester as I headed out. Other than that, I visited three shrines, bought some things Fushimi Inari's little shopping street (namely some Matcha Fukumochi and Chiikawa goods from the MoguMogu Honpo store), and spent a lot of time on trains. I was especially fond of the limited express Hankyu train which I'd taken from central Kyoto back to Osaka in the evening— I managed to snag a window seat and got to watch the rolling scenery as I enjoyed some well-deserved rest after a day of exploring! It was relaxing to say the least. I almost wish I had more to say about Kyoto, but the majority of my day was spent walking around! Two of the shrines I'd visited were recommendations from a friend of mine who did a semester abroad there last year. I really appreciate her for that, since I got to see some lovely shrines that weren't necessarily packed with crowds. I loved Fushimi Inari, but there's only so much mental capacity I have for navigating crowds, particularly at this time of year... Though, it was very nice! I feel like I didn't get to explore as much as I'd wanted to, but that just gives me all the reason to go back at some point.

Wednesday was the last day I'd spent in Kansai, and it feels like a blur. I headed out before my check-out time with all my stuff in tow, and headed on the Hanshin line back to Kobe for a last-minute visit. I returned to Ikuta Jinja and purchased an omamori, and went to Ichinomiya Jinja near Kitano-cho for another goshuin. As I made my way back to the station, I found the fact that I didn't want to leave welling up inside of me. Kobe very much reminded me of Wellington, funnily enough, and I find myself wanting to make plans to head back there one last time before I go home in July! It's just so nice and peaceful there, which is a real change from other places I've visited since I've been here. The rest of my day was spent walking through Shinsaibashi, particularly the Dotonbori area. Dotonbori was way too crowded for my liking, so I didn't stay long or buy too much while I was there. I wandered around Nanba and stopped for another matcha latte for a while since my feet were sore, then went to Nanba Yasaka Jinja to get an omamori and goshuin before heading back to Osaka Nanba station to get a ticket home on the Hinotori train. I had a lot of what I call "post-Kansai depression" while I was on the Hinotori, which is funny because I was still in Kansai for about half of the trip, given that Aichi borders the eastern-most prefectures of Kansai. Though, even the trip back was nice! The Hinotori is a lot cheaper than the Shinkansen (and by extension, slower), but it was truly wonderful getting to pass through the countryside of Nara and Mie while the sun was setting. I'm nostalgic for it already!

Now that my summary is all over, here's a photo of the small collection of omamori I've recieved so far!

From left to right: my previously-mentioned Magokoromamori (peace of mind omamori) from Wakamiya Hachimansha in Nagoya, the Koushu (happiness) omamori I purchased from Ikuta Jinja in Kobe, the good studying luck omamori from Nanba Yasaka Jinja, and the Pyon mamori I got from Okazaki Jinja in Kyoto. They're very nice! Perhaps this is a little silly, but the design of the Koushu in particular fills me with a lot of joy... perhaps that's just it's blessing at work (or my deep appreciation for Kobe), though! :P

Before I go home, I want to get one omamori from each area of Japan I've been to, as well as goshuin from a couple of local shrines. In fact, I had to hold back while in Kobe since Kitano Tenman Jinja had some really beautiful omamori as well. At least I have the Sakura-moude goshuin they were offering this month! (Pictured below on the left, with the Ikuta Jinja one on the right). I personally prefer the handwritten ones that go straight into the Goshuincho, but I wanted to get special ones for spring given that they're just too beautiful to pass up!

I think that's about it for now! All of this is making me want to put together a gallery page again so I can share all the great photos I took this week! The weather has started to pick up again, and there's even some flowers beginning to bloom around Aichi at the moment! I'm so glad the temperature is hitting the double-digits again!!!! I'm excited for the return of some of my favourite warm-weather drinks to the vending machines around where I live, also!

Side note, I had an absolutely delicious strawberry shortcake parfait at Hamazushi before I went out for my trip. Here's a photo of it with my Yoru nui! It was amazing, I'm planning on going again next week for another (and more sushi of course! I have a serious addiction to the grilled beef nigiri they serve, it's dire).

Until next time!

March 6, '24 || Gusty, chilly, and a tad overcast...

First diary entry of the site! Welcome to my twisted mind, or whatever the younger members of my generation are saying nowadays. I'm hoping to make good use of this page due to my overwhelming tendency to yap. I feel pretty proud of what I've managed to come up with when it comes to this page and it's associated directory, though. I took inspiration from a few diary pages I've seen here and there, and I hope I've adequately been able to put a nice spin on it!

This week, I got my copy of ROOM, final installment of Hanadoll's third season for Anthos*, on Sunday. My preorder bonus trading cards were Chise and Kaoru, with the former being the signed one! I'm really happy about that, and am hoping to get suitable-sized trading card sleeves sometime soon for them! I haven't had a chance to listen to the dramas yet (I am extremely behind on season 3...), but Liberation and Clap! Clap! Clap! are total bangers-- they're already in my regular rotation, even if they aren't officially out on streaming.

I'm pretty busy for the rest of this week, funnily enough. Tomorrow, I'm getting a haircut for the first time since August, and am planning on visiting a local shrine. On Friday, I have an appointment with a counsellor, since I've been feeling a bit weird mentally. On Sunday, I'm catching a night bus to Kobe for a three-day trip in the Kansai region (booked entirely on a whim, partially due to aforementioned weird mental feelings). I'm looking forward to having a good time and getting to check out areas I've been meaning to visit for a while now. The place I'm staying is very convenient and surprisingly well-priced, so I ought to get a lot of things in!

I've been feeling weird lately, as you can probably gather from the previous paragraph. Part of it is the fact my social anxiety has started picking up again (maybe due to the fact I've been holed up in my room as of late). I find myself frustrated with who I am at present, which isn't ideal-- I mean, I'm stuck with myself on the regular, after all. I, admittedly, dislike that I'm still such an insecure person who is prone to a lot of jealous feelings, desires to react as I feel in the moment, and my caution around taking risks. Okay, that last part isn't bad on it's own per se, but the way I go about it feels almost detrimental to my growth as a person, since I avoid risks that are likely to have a good outcome. I feel like I'm so immature in comparison to my peers, like I never grew beyond the age of sixteen. I talked to friends about this and a recent incident, and I have been told that I'm mature-ish (at least, more mature than the person I had an incident with... which is weird, but alright). So maybe it's nothing to worry about? But that doesn't exactly make it magically disappear, though. Annoying. All I really want to do is just be mature and likeable, if that makes sense.

Anyway, I'm hoping my trip and the appointment help me feel a little better mentally. Part of it is really just me needing to fix my sleep schedule, I think. Not to mention, it's finally spring, which means I get to see the flowers in bloom while I'm travelling around (even if it's still freakishly cold)! Hopefully that means my seasonal depression is going to vanish in a few weeks. That's about it for now.